Posted by Mike Field on August 26, 2009 at 05:26:34 user mikefield.
In Reply to: Re: The boundaries of parental responsibility posted by Elizabeth on August 25, 2009 at 15:28:33:
Claire's view about brain development is correct. The reason that children's brains aren't fully developed until at least the early 20s is well-recognised -- by, for instance, insurance companies in their raised premiums for young adult drivers.
'Letting go' by the parents is all very well, provided the kids have been educated by their parents well enough, and are technically and emotionally adult enough, to be able satisfactorily handle the situations they're faced with.
I would hope to be able to teach any of my kids, for instance, how to handle herself if she faced bullying at school. And I would also hope to be able to show her how she could later extrapolate the same principles to handle bullying from, say, her boss at work -- or indeed, any difficult situation she was required to face in her dealings with other people. But I wouldn't expect it to happen all at once because young brains are still developing.
So I agree with Claire; and while I can teach my kids to be both self-sufficient and emotionally intelligent, I'd hope I would always recognise the limitations placed on them by their stage of development until adult.
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In point of fact, that this actually occurred was well-demonstrated when my second daughter, now 34, developed schizophrenia in her early twenties. Although severely debilitated at that time by the condition, she retained enough of the training in self-sufficiency and emotional intelligence given her by her mother and me that, without telling anyone (even us) for over a year, she had initiated and was undergoing continuing psychiatric treatment for her condition. (Suse is a Very Smart Cookie. And I'm pleased to be able to relate that after a very difficult decade she has now been symptom-free for nearly two years.)