Posted by Let's dispense with the usual formalities, this time. on February 02, 2000 at 22:13:17 from 212.244.243.30:
"Hell and Damnation."
"That may appropriate, but shouldn't you be saying 'Barbarcued Billygoats' or something? You never know who may be listening."
"Oh shut up Peggy and listen. They're getting close and I don't like it."
"Why don't they leave us alone?"
"Fire and Brimstone, you galoot, don't you see"
"No, I don't"
"They want another story. Arthur left one of our stories unfinished, that started it. That Christina Hardywoman suggested that one day someone could finish it. They all want another story about us. For years the Literary Executors kept the native hordes off our trail by publishing the odd scrap from Arthur's wastebin. But that tack doesn't seem to work any more.
"But the Swallows did a good job."
"The Swallows did a BRILLIANT job, mister mate, particularly Brigie. Without her we would have had all the hordes picking daisies as souvenirs off our front lawn. Instead they all go to pay their respects to an old copper wharf.
"You didn't do such a bad job yourself captain persuading the natives that the lakes were a flood threat, and needed to be lowered. Ha, ha, ha!
"It was a good idea, though it was sad to loose our lagoon. But now there this maniac who wants to restore the level of the lakes!
"Who is he Nancy?"
"That's it we don't know. But, he seems to be guessing about me and Arthur. And he's only the tip of the iceberg. The worst of them is called Hobbs. He's been tramping all around our home and troubling the aged relatives."
"So what did you do Captain?"
"I asked the GA to hobble the Hobbs computer AND modify the program on the TARS server. They all think its the Y2K bug.
"Very clever. But it didn't stop them?"
"It certainly spiked their guns for a bit, but they keep on coming."
"So we're lost... discovered I mean?"
"Not necessarily. I've every so slightly encouraged a native called Pru to try to write another story about us.
"That will keep them busy going round in circles."
"Exactly, even at the cost of poor Squashy hat's reputation. Now if only I can persuade I E-N to bin all of Hobbs' scribblings... .
"Swallows and Amazons forever? Captain"
"Exactly so! mister mate.